One of the most important conversations to have in retirement is about your estate plan. But it’s not always an easy conversation. It involves making tough decisions about who gets what. Fortunately, there are ways to make the conversation less stressful and more productive.
First, start with something lighthearted and easy. Something like, “I know everyone is clamoring for who will get the disturbing picture of your great-great uncle after we’re gone, but we figured we’d settle the matter with a game of rock-paper-scissors.” Or you could go with the easy, “Kids, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I plan to leave with you all, but the most important things are the lessons and values I want you to pass on after me.”
Second, understand that in these conversations, it is far more important to listen than talk. Present your thoughts. Ask your questions. Then listen intently. The key is that none of us want to discuss something difficult or painful with someone who is just trying to get to a point.
Third, ensure that all parties in the conversation understand that this isn’t the one time these issues will be discussed. Especially when it comes to estate and legacy planning, make sure everyone knows this is a big discussion with many intricacies. Not everything will be discussed or solved in one sitting. Having that understanding will help the next conversation become easier because everyone will be expecting it.
Fourth, be honest and upfront about your plans and intentions. It is a much better approach than being vague or elusive, which leads to confusion and hurt feelings.
Please remember that having these tough conversations is imperative. I’ve seen families split apart when a loved one passes away without having discussed and planned for their absence. But by having these conversations sooner rather than later, you can ensure the entire family is focused less on family possessions, and more about upholding family values.