When I was about ten years old, I remember asking my dad how much money he made.
His answer was simple.
"None of your business."
Looking back, it wasn't meant to be harsh. It was simply a sign of the times. In our house, talking about money wasn't considered polite. It was private.
As a kid, I wasn't trying to pry. I was just curious. We weren't wealthy, but we always had enough. There was food on the table, clothes on our backs, and I don't ever remember worrying about whether we would have to move out of the house in the middle of the night. It felt like we were stable, but I just wanted to understand what kind of income it took to build a life like the one we had.
Interestingly, all these years later, I still don't know what my father earned back then.
It wasn't until I was in my late twenties that my parents shared more about their financial picture with me. Why then? I'm honestly not sure. Maybe it was because I had started my career in financial planning. Maybe they felt I had reached a certain level of maturity. Or maybe they simply felt the time was right.
I've never asked.
Recently, one of my clients asked me a question that brought that childhood memory back.
They've accumulated significant wealth over the course of their lives. While meeting with their estate planning attorney, they asked a question many successful families eventually face.
"When should we tell our children about our finances?"
Like so many financial questions, the answer is one I know people get tired of hearing.
It depends.
Not because I'm trying to avoid giving an opinion, but because every family is different.
Some parents never discuss money, while others share everything. I feel that most families fall somewhere in between.
Perhaps that's also why this question comes up more today than it did a generation ago. Many retirees have accumulated more wealth than they ever expected through rising home values, retirement accounts, and decades of disciplined investing. They're realizing they may leave behind a meaningful inheritance and are wondering whether their children should know.
The real question isn't simply when to tell your children. It's what they should know, and when should they know it? And those are very different conversations.
Knowing your parents are financially secure is one thing. Knowing you'll probably receive an inheritance someday is another. And knowing exactly how much you stand to inherit is something else entirely.
Over the years, I've observed that parents don't always have an accurate picture of their children's financial lives.
I remember one family in particular.
The mother planned to leave most of her estate to her son because she believed he was more financially responsible than his sister.
The interesting part was that I had a different perspective, because both of her children were clients.
The daughter quietly lived within her means, saved consistently, and made thoughtful financial decisions.
Her son appeared quite successful from the outside. Beautiful home. Luxury vehicles. A thriving business. But behind the scenes, cash flow was often tight and savings were surprisingly limited.
The mother wasn't wrong to want to help her son more. He probably needed the financial assistance. But she arrived at that decision for reasons that didn't reflect reality.
It was another reminder that appearances can fool all of us, even parents.
That experience influenced the advice I gave my client.
Instead of beginning with numbers, I suggested beginning with reassurance. The first thing adult children often need to know isn’t how much they might inherit. It’s that they don’t have to worry about you financially. That you’ve planned for retirement, prepared for the unexpected, and don’t expect them to become your financial safety net.
For many families, that conversation alone removes an enormous amount of uncertainty. And from there, you may decide it’s appropriate to tell them they can reasonably expect to receive an inheritance someday.
Notice I didn't say tell them how much. Just let them know you've planned well enough that, barring something unexpected, there will likely be assets remaining.
Then pay attention to what happens next.
Do they continue living their lives exactly as before? Do they become curious in healthy ways by asking thoughtful questions? Do they seem relieved, responsible, and grounded? Or does something change?
Those early conversations can tell you a great deal about whether your children are ready for more information.
Over time, the conversation may naturally evolve.
As you get older, your children may need to know the practical things first: where important documents are kept, who your attorney is, who your financial advisor is, and whom to contact if something happens.
Eventually, they may even become involved in meetings or help manage certain responsibilities.
Only after that, and only if it seems helpful, might it make sense to share more specific financial details.
Or it may not. Because every family is different.
I don't think this is a decision that should be made all at once. Instead, I think it should be a conversation that unfolds over time, built on trust, maturity, and observation.
Because once expectations are created, they can be difficult to change.
Money has a funny way of influencing people. Sometimes it doesn't change who they are at all. Sometimes it simply reveals parts of them that were already there.
So, maybe my father was right.
When I was ten years old, how much he made really wasn't any of my business.
But eventually, there came a point when understanding my parents' financial picture became important — not because I was entitled to know, but because I was ready to know and mature enough to handle it responsibly.
I think that's the balance every parent is trying to find.
